God hates divorce

God hates divorce.

What is divorce?

Divorce is not just the signing of divorce papers. The signing of paper to annul a marriage is a mere formality after the deed has been done.

"Deut.24.1 - When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
Deut.24.2 - And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife."

It's necessary to consider the context and cultural background of this verse — In ancient Israel, divorce was permitted, but it was not taken lightly. The certificate of divorce was a formal document that protected the woman's rights and ensured she was not left without support or left married to a man who resents her.

The divorce God hates is the treachery, the abdication from the role of lover, protector, helper, provider, cover and companion. This is the real divorce; the abandonment that starts from the heart. Signing of divorce papers is a mere formality to protect a spouse from further abuse, infidelity, exploitation and destruction. 

See this, Mal.2.15 - 16 —But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal TREACHEROUSLY with the wife of his youth. "For the LORD God of Israel says That HE HATES DIVORCE, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously."

Treachery in marriage is the main reason for formal divorce. God hates treachery because it spoils his ultimate plan, it leads to violence and introduces divorce, which distorts his plan for a good home and godly children. In the chapter on the 'onus of trust' of my new book — The Walk to Happily Ever — which will be released soon - I expantiated on this.

Both genders can be perpetrators of treachery. Abdication from one's role is not synonymous to one gender. Even though most of the scriptures on marriage instructs the man because he is the head, we know women are not exempted from taking corrections. 

Before you quote Mal 2:16. Please read up at least from verse 13

"And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the LORD with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, "For what reason?"

"Because the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant.
Mal.2.13-14"

God is concerned about how you treat your wife. Before abuse, there is always resentment. Before infidelity; cheating with strange men and women — desiring others instead of your spouse — there is always abuse; being unkind and telling them they deserve it.

Read Matt 19:3-9
"The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning "made them male and female,' and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." 

God hates hardness of heart more than divorce. Because hardness of heart made him agree to something He didn't initially approve.

If Moses permitted divorce because of the hard heart of people, it goes to say that that is a judicial precedent. Thus, when a marriage is toxic, you can use the precedent to facilitate justice.

A toxic marriage is a marriage where both or one of the partners have refused to be kind to the other.

To be hard-hearted means-

To be unkind
Unjust
Unyielding
Unsupportive
Uncaring
Unavailable
Untrustworthy
Unforgiving
Disloyal
Abusive- Verbal, emotional, physical or economic

God hates it when you deal treacherously with your spouse...  His daughter whom has left everything to be with you, whom you are supposed to love as yourself, whom you are supposed to understand, whom are supposed to treat as an equal in Christ. His son whom you supposed to honour to and be faithful to.

When you read fully from Matt.19.3-12, you will observe that marriage is not for everyone. If you cannot be selfless or kind to others think deeply before going into marriage. An unkind and self-absorbed person makes their partners suffer. They make them pray about what they should enjoy freely.

In the book of Hosea 2:16, God said she would call Him her husband and not her master. That means there is a difference between the two. Men who call themselves masters of their wife, either have not read this scripture or they are being power drunk.

"And it shall be, in that day," says the Lord, "that you will call Me 'My Husband,' and no longer call Me 'My Master,' " Hosea 2:16 

Truth is, as a seasoned and licenced marriage counsellor, I have come to realize that a bad marriage is simply a vicious cycle of hurts, offences, retaliations, attacks, counter attacks, resentment, strife and stress. 

Divorce can be said to be a necessary measure to mitigate against toxicity, manipulation and abuse in a marriage. 

Let's see more Scriptural precedents-

"But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." (1 Corinthians 7:15, NIV)

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."  (Romans 12:9, NIV) - 

'Cling' the same word used for joining in marriage, is used here and the instruction is 'cling' to what is good.  The above verse can be interpreted as encouraging individuals to prioritize their own well-being and safety, even if it means separating from a toxic or abusive partner. It reemphasizes that goodness and kindness  is a better requirement than tolerance in marriage. Marriage is good, and when it's not good, is it still marriage?

These scriptures though should not be taken as a blanket endorsement of divorce because each situation is unique, and I advice we approach these issues with sensitivity, compassion, and a deep understanding.

Would you break that cycle of unkindness, infidelity or offence today? Or wait until it's too late? How hard is it to love, honour and be kind to your spouse?

©️Janelle Obieroma
© UnVeilinGrace Training and Counselling Centre

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