Quiet Arrogance

There’s a quiet arrogance that sometimes creeps in among believers—one that we need to call out with love and caution. It's the tendency to shame others for not having what we currently enjoy, as though our present ease is the evidence of superior faith, and their lack is proof of failure.

The arrogance shows up when someone who has begins to despise those who don’t. When success becomes a stick to beat others with instead of a platform to lift them up. 

Take money, for example. You see a wealthy believer look down on the one who’s still catching their breath financially, and they say things like, "Money comes when you think right". No compassion, no context, just condescension. That mindset slowly hardens into judgment—an intolerance for those who are still struggling. As if lack equals foolishness or laziness. As if not having money now means you’ve somehow offended God. Poverty becomes a character flaw... Interpreted as a moral weakness that justifies discrimination. (James 2, Deut 15 and several scriptures warn against this.)

Yet the Bible never said poverty is a sin. But let’s be honest—it’s a limitation. It can rob a person of choices, dignity, and the ability to stand tall in rooms that matter. A poor man doesn’t always get to choose where he lives, what he eats, or how he’s spoken to.

So yes—wherever possible, grow. Build. Learn. Do everything legitimately within your means to live in sufficiency and abundance—not as a status symbol, but so you can give freely and restore dignity to others.

But even in prosperity, be careful. Because what you now take for granted might be someone else’s wilderness season.

Same with marriage.

When your marriage thrives, it’s tempting to assume it’s because you prayed harder, submitted better, or simply “did it right.”

But maybe your journey was specially graced. Maybe your temperaments clicked.

That doesn’t mean others’ struggles are rooted in rebellion.

Never forget: not everyone wakes up next to loyalty. Not everyone has conversations instead of cold wars. Not everyone is married to people that want to stay married to them.

Those navigating hard marriages, or leaving harmful ones are not spiritually inferior. 

And what about parenthood? There are couples who conceive without effort—some even seeking solutions for “too many” pregnancies. They may never understand the grief of infertility, the monthly heartbreak, the prayers that feel unanswered. Yet they might look down on those still waiting and say, "Get a child, how hard is that." Forgeting that ease for you doesn’t mean effort for them was missing.

Even health—there was an old woman in my community, we called her Onwelego. She drank her tea every morning with ten cubes of sugar, lived to almost 100, and was still strong. Some are born into fragility they never chose. Allergies. Intolerance... Reacting to a spoonful of milk! Fighting battles they didn't invite.

So no—it’s not always what you eat. Sometimes, it’s just life. And grace. 

Eat right, stay fit, but know this.

And the singles?

They aren’t broken.

They aren’t bitter. They aren't immoral.

Many are brave, whole, joyful —and still waiting.

Navigating life with grace and blessings, and still wondering why their season hasn’t changed yet. And yet, somehow, they’re treated like projects to fix or people who must be missing something. They aren’t.

Don't insinuate that, "If you obeyed God, you won't still be single". It may just not be their time yet.

Because, remember:

One season, David was at Nabal’s mercy for food. The next, he was king.

One season, Ruth was a grieving widow. The next, she was married with purpose.

One season, Hannah was weeping. The next, she was a joyful mother.

We meet people in seasons—not conclusions.

Ecclesiastes reminds us:

“The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong... but time and chance happen to them all.”

That truth doesn’t just apply when it flatters your testimony. It applies across the board. Extend same grace to others. Respect their journeys.

Please, let’s not weaponize our wins.

Where you’re thriving, someone else is surviving.

Where you feel blessed, someone else feels forgotten.

That doesn’t make you superior—it makes you responsible.

This mindset—that ease equals righteousness and struggle equals sin—is dangerous.

It says: If you’re still lacking, you must be doing something wrong. It makes people do 'anything' to appear successful.

It suggests that if your prayers haven’t been answered, your faith must be flawed.

And from there, we begin to withhold empathy, support, and even kindness.

We serve up shame, wrapped in scripture. 

Let’s do better.

Let’s remember: just because you’re thriving in one area doesn’t mean others aren’t trying just as hard—maybe harder.

Grace is not a medal for effort. It’s not proof of moral superiority.

It’s a gift.

It’s what makes the race possible in the first place.

Celebrate your blessings, yes. Loudly. Gratefully.

But carry your joy with humility. Use them to lift, not to look down.

Because grace was never meant to be a flex. Grace isn’t a trophy. It’s an invitation.

To love deeper.

To remember the One who gave it all—freely.

We are all a work in progress.

Choose Love and Kindness, Always.

Janelle Obieroma 

UnVeilingrace Training and Counselling Centre

https://amazon.com/author/janelleobieroma